Saturday 6th Feb 2010

ok sorry i haven't posted in a while, have had a very traumatic few days, yesterday was without a doubt the worst, i tried to purge after eating again but it didn't work. i cut my wrists cause, well i don't know why. i took some pills for the pain, it didn't hurt that much i was just bored really. today in went out to topshop and got a dress and jumper, very cute but the dress makes me feel fat, sort of

Wed 3rd Feb 2010

oh my god! so much happened today, well i talked to my ana buddy and we were both gonna purge after eating but she chickened out so i didn't see much point in doing it because i didn't eat that much or feel that sad.
Then i talked to my dad, he can get me to open up my feelings, when even i didn't know i was feeling that way, i didn't tell him about my ED cause i don't wanna hurt him, then i found out that my grandma is in the hospital with pneumonia for the second time this year.
I went to the bathroom after my dad made me eat some scones and drink ovaltine. Tastes gross, so i tried to purge but i couldn't i was so close until my dad knocked on the door and i realised he could hear me chocking on my toothbrush, even over the water on. So i will purge, but when im home alone, if i ever am.

2nd Feb 2010

Okay so I made a new friend today and she's so nice, were helping eachother too loose weight and stuff, she thinks my legs r too die for and i think her stomach is too die for. Its quite funny really because we both envy eachother.
Has anyone heard about rhodes farm clinic, its near me. Have seen lots of documentaries on it.
Okay so im trying to diagnose myself and i have almost all of the symptoms, one of the only ones i don't have is heart failure, probably because its not gotten that serious yet.
I weighed myself today, i weigh about 7 and a half stone, i must get a more precise scale, probably on friday.
I fear the worst because i still have lots of weight i want to loose and i have no proper idea how.

1st Feb 2010

Hi im Sophie and this is really just me introducing myself and what my blog is going to be all about.
I am struggling with anorexia, although i have not been medically diagnosed, because, well i haven't told anyone about it.
I am only 13, but I already have lots of goals in life and they are being crushed along with my future in new zealand which i will hopefully be moving to later this year with my father and brother.
My life has always been full of depression:
-my mum died when i was 5
-my family think my dad is an incapable father and i fear they will go mad with rage when we tell them were moving (which as u can probably guess we haven't done just yet :) )
-i have moved classes lots of times for several reasons
-i had an abusive friend
-and i think i am becoming or already am anorexic

i'll save you the rest of my depression as even i find it boring, i am charmed that you have found my blog interesting enough to read and hopefully continue to, and i promise they will get better :)

i promise to upload every day and hopefully i can have some followers to make friends with :)
sophie xoxoxxoo