Soooo, hey! ^_^
I'm in a pretty good mood!!!! Which is very different from the usual. Don't worry there is a reason behind this insanity!
I am getting my braces removed tomorrow so I will have ONE day without metal on my teeth until tuesday (the day after) where Im getting my retainers. I really don't want retainers, I've had them before and I HATED them, they gave me a lisp, I couldn't eat, sleep or drink with them on and they were very uncomfortable to swallow with them on, basically it was just awful. i really don't know what will happen with them but I'll keep you posted! Im scared about getting the metal retainers though because I really want the clear ones which i've seen a lot of people talk about getting them at their dentist. With my lovely luck I'll probably not get the pretty clear ones and be stuck with the metal ones which everyone can see. Braces have so much attachment to getting them. But it's worth it for a pretty smile which one day I might be proud of. If any of you want me to do a blog talking about braces or retainers or my experience with them, comment below!
Now I'm off to read Harry Potter no.5
Goodnight, Much Love, S, xoxo
Sunday, 6 March 2011
Tuesday, 15 February 2011
Exciting News
Ok hi everyone, so I know I said the update post would be up next but honestly there's so much to write I don't know if I'll even bother. So anyway, a friend invited me to join this amazing challenge on facebook, it basically is called the 90-15 challenge, maybe I'm missing the bullet but I have no idea why it's called that. Anyways so its a diet, like the abc basically but it's more tailored to your taste. There are some rules which you can tweak to your daily routine and personality. (Oh and btw I'm sorry if there are some typos on this post because I'm using my iPad I got today to write this) So I'll Put the link below to the challenge and it will have the rules there, but just invade some of you don't have facebook I shall list the rules here too :) cause I'm just really nice like that ;) anyways here they are!
NO breakfast
NO lunch
700 calories EVERYDAY
No desserts (except low cal jelly)
Take vitamin C tablet everyday
Make a strict new food journal to keep track of what your eating.
Thinsporation session at least once a week.
Talk to someone either on the facebook page or someone on pretty thin.com or even someone in real life about your progress to keep you on track.
Update blog/diary on calories (intake-burned) everyday
Cook once a week.
Keep a note with motivational songs/quotes.
Loose:Gain ration should be 4:1
Ok so it officially starts tonight now but you can start whenever you want, it basically lasts a month. I'm really excited for it, ilk probably add the facebook link later because I really have to go now, I'll see y'alll later. Please comment telling me if your gonna join in with this because I think this could really work for a lot of us :) Good Luck xoxo
NO breakfast
NO lunch
700 calories EVERYDAY
No desserts (except low cal jelly)
Take vitamin C tablet everyday
Make a strict new food journal to keep track of what your eating.
Thinsporation session at least once a week.
Talk to someone either on the facebook page or someone on pretty thin.com or even someone in real life about your progress to keep you on track.
Update blog/diary on calories (intake-burned) everyday
Cook once a week.
Keep a note with motivational songs/quotes.
Loose:Gain ration should be 4:1
Ok so it officially starts tonight now but you can start whenever you want, it basically lasts a month. I'm really excited for it, ilk probably add the facebook link later because I really have to go now, I'll see y'alll later. Please comment telling me if your gonna join in with this because I think this could really work for a lot of us :) Good Luck xoxo
Monday, 14 February 2011
I'm Not Dead! Today's Topic- Valentines Day
Hi...I know I know it's been ages. Well I was getting zero response on my posts so I thought why should I bother to write these updates if no one takes the time to read them. So anyway, I was a little ticked off but it's a whatever topic now so I'm just gonna continue to write my 'blog' although I think of it more as a diary. So my update post is about half written, It should be the next one up hopefully. But i have a LOT to update you on so it's taking a while.
Valentines day, ugh. Mental sigh. It's the day where everyone is disappointed, those who don't have a partner, watch sad movies and eat a ton, therefore gaining a pound. And those who do have partners struggle to live up to the ungodly standards of the stupid day. Maybe a lot of people love valentines day, I hate it, I've always had incredibly bad luck with love, especially on valentines day. My first ever boyfriend broke up with me just before valentines day to go out with his ex and on valentines day he asked me if he think she'd like the flowers he got her. I wanted it to be me. I think my eating disorder has affected my "relationships" very harshly.
I hate to go on and on about valentines day like a physchotic bitch who is making other feel bad because she doesn't have a boyfriend, a.k.a me. There actually is a guy I really like. I haven't liked someone this much in a longgg time. I feel sparks where our arms brush against eachother. I blush profusely when people ask if I like him and even more when I have to talk about him. I can't help but stare at him. Oh and I'm not a stalker, he knows who I am, we just don't really talk much. He is kind of a jerk to be totally honest, but he's funny and cute. I'm trying my hardest not to like him because I know he doesn't like me back. But it's really difficult. When I fall for a guy I fall HARD and bloody quickly at that. I know once again a major flaw in my personality and another awful aspect of my already bleak life.
Please take the time to comment telling me how your spending your valentines day :)
Love S,
xoxo
Valentines day, ugh. Mental sigh. It's the day where everyone is disappointed, those who don't have a partner, watch sad movies and eat a ton, therefore gaining a pound. And those who do have partners struggle to live up to the ungodly standards of the stupid day. Maybe a lot of people love valentines day, I hate it, I've always had incredibly bad luck with love, especially on valentines day. My first ever boyfriend broke up with me just before valentines day to go out with his ex and on valentines day he asked me if he think she'd like the flowers he got her. I wanted it to be me. I think my eating disorder has affected my "relationships" very harshly.
I hate to go on and on about valentines day like a physchotic bitch who is making other feel bad because she doesn't have a boyfriend, a.k.a me. There actually is a guy I really like. I haven't liked someone this much in a longgg time. I feel sparks where our arms brush against eachother. I blush profusely when people ask if I like him and even more when I have to talk about him. I can't help but stare at him. Oh and I'm not a stalker, he knows who I am, we just don't really talk much. He is kind of a jerk to be totally honest, but he's funny and cute. I'm trying my hardest not to like him because I know he doesn't like me back. But it's really difficult. When I fall for a guy I fall HARD and bloody quickly at that. I know once again a major flaw in my personality and another awful aspect of my already bleak life.
Please take the time to comment telling me how your spending your valentines day :)
Love S,
xoxo
Sunday, 9 January 2011
Cutting Breakdown
OK guys, I'm sorry, i know I said I would have this post up sooner and I feel like all my blog posts recently have started with a lame apology, so again, sorry!
So about a week ago I had what you could call a 'breakdown' which seems to be one I experience every 2-3 weeks or so, depending on what's bad and good in my life at the time. I'll tell you how it started. Well, I was at my family's house for sunday dinner, I didn't really mind going. I love seeing my family but I didn't realize how hard it would be to eat that much food infront of others. I hate eating infront of other people, nevermind 6! So I was almost practically crying while eating, it must have looked so obvious that I didn't want to be eating the food. It was a pretty big dinner which I found beyond hard to handle as I've been getting back into restricting recently. So after dinner I said no to desert and headed up to the bathroom. Annoyingly my cousin was in there so I went back downstairs and waited, maintaining the 'ready to purge' position and when my cousin was done, headed straight to the bathroom.
I was almost ready to purge, I tried but nothing came up. I was so angry and disappointed. I know if I had kept at it for a few minutes I probably could have purged but it was hard to do with some of my family being upstairs and I didn't want it to look obvious, me spending a long time in the bathroom after dinner. Plus I'm pretty sure they might have heard me gag or throw up and ask questions. So I cut, I cut the most I've ever cut before. And it felt damn good. I cut 8 times down my arm with a razor.
That was a week ago. All my emotions just came out and I had to cut. When I finished I didn't feel like I had done it deep enough or enough times. But along with that feeling, I looked at the cuts and felt ashamed of myself for cutting.
Okay so feel free to comment your own experiences with cutting or your thoughts on it. I'd love to hear from you! :)
Much Love, Sophie xoxo
So about a week ago I had what you could call a 'breakdown' which seems to be one I experience every 2-3 weeks or so, depending on what's bad and good in my life at the time. I'll tell you how it started. Well, I was at my family's house for sunday dinner, I didn't really mind going. I love seeing my family but I didn't realize how hard it would be to eat that much food infront of others. I hate eating infront of other people, nevermind 6! So I was almost practically crying while eating, it must have looked so obvious that I didn't want to be eating the food. It was a pretty big dinner which I found beyond hard to handle as I've been getting back into restricting recently. So after dinner I said no to desert and headed up to the bathroom. Annoyingly my cousin was in there so I went back downstairs and waited, maintaining the 'ready to purge' position and when my cousin was done, headed straight to the bathroom.
I was almost ready to purge, I tried but nothing came up. I was so angry and disappointed. I know if I had kept at it for a few minutes I probably could have purged but it was hard to do with some of my family being upstairs and I didn't want it to look obvious, me spending a long time in the bathroom after dinner. Plus I'm pretty sure they might have heard me gag or throw up and ask questions. So I cut, I cut the most I've ever cut before. And it felt damn good. I cut 8 times down my arm with a razor.
That was a week ago. All my emotions just came out and I had to cut. When I finished I didn't feel like I had done it deep enough or enough times. But along with that feeling, I looked at the cuts and felt ashamed of myself for cutting.
Okay so feel free to comment your own experiences with cutting or your thoughts on it. I'd love to hear from you! :)
Much Love, Sophie xoxo
Wednesday, 5 January 2011
My Hideous School Life
So I was wondering what to post for my blog and I decided that I haven't really touched the subject of school, I mean it's not like I'm gonna say where I go or whatever but just talk about how it affects my eating disorder and other things like that. Oh and by the way I would really appreciate you all to comment and follow this blog, support me! LOL
Okay so onto school, I went back to school after our christmas/winter break on tuesday and it's now wednesday evening. Since this year I'm at a new school which has boys in it, which I have not had since I was in primary school might I add! So since I started in september, it has probably be the HARDEST transition of my life, Heck I could make a blog talking about the things I have gone through the past four months at this school. Let's just say the first weeks the hardest, and the first four months too...
I was definitely NOT thrilled to be going back to school from my winter break but surprisingly tuesday and wednesday went by very well, oddly enough. I thought the day would go by very slowly but they've both been super quick!
Tomorrow is the most stressful day of my week, i think because thursday and friday are both pretty bad for me. Anyways, I'm sure you all don't want to hear me yap on about my worst school day of the week. So i'll just get to the point.
School can make or break a person, in my case, it broke me. Hard. I'm an shy and extremely sensitive person and school, especially my new school has made me even more of an anxious person, which I think has contributed to my eating disorder, it has made me more aware of what other's think of me, how much I weigh, who in the class is skinnier than me, and if that person or persons were healthy or using the eating disorder ways to get that size. So many things conributed to who I am today, and you know what? I hate that person. I told my dad I wanted to be home-schooled, two years ago. He said no and I still am asking to be home-schooled constantly, im not a strong enough person to go through school everyday without being continuosly hurt, not a day goes by at my school where someone doesn't say anything rude to me about my appearance.
Ok so it's pretty late, almost midnight, I have to get some rest for school tomorrow, I will update again soon, hopefully tomorrow maybe, if I don't get a ton of homework. I know exactly what I'm gonna blog about, I recently had a breakdown and cut myself, I'll go into more detail in my next post.
Much Love, S
xoxo
Okay so onto school, I went back to school after our christmas/winter break on tuesday and it's now wednesday evening. Since this year I'm at a new school which has boys in it, which I have not had since I was in primary school might I add! So since I started in september, it has probably be the HARDEST transition of my life, Heck I could make a blog talking about the things I have gone through the past four months at this school. Let's just say the first weeks the hardest, and the first four months too...
I was definitely NOT thrilled to be going back to school from my winter break but surprisingly tuesday and wednesday went by very well, oddly enough. I thought the day would go by very slowly but they've both been super quick!
Tomorrow is the most stressful day of my week, i think because thursday and friday are both pretty bad for me. Anyways, I'm sure you all don't want to hear me yap on about my worst school day of the week. So i'll just get to the point.
School can make or break a person, in my case, it broke me. Hard. I'm an shy and extremely sensitive person and school, especially my new school has made me even more of an anxious person, which I think has contributed to my eating disorder, it has made me more aware of what other's think of me, how much I weigh, who in the class is skinnier than me, and if that person or persons were healthy or using the eating disorder ways to get that size. So many things conributed to who I am today, and you know what? I hate that person. I told my dad I wanted to be home-schooled, two years ago. He said no and I still am asking to be home-schooled constantly, im not a strong enough person to go through school everyday without being continuosly hurt, not a day goes by at my school where someone doesn't say anything rude to me about my appearance.
Ok so it's pretty late, almost midnight, I have to get some rest for school tomorrow, I will update again soon, hopefully tomorrow maybe, if I don't get a ton of homework. I know exactly what I'm gonna blog about, I recently had a breakdown and cut myself, I'll go into more detail in my next post.
Much Love, S
xoxo
Friday, 31 December 2010
GoodBye 2010!
Hey everyone, sorry I didn't post twice that day, oops! I just forgot.
So im gonna do my new years resolution in this blog. It's now 11:30 and it will be 2011 in officially 30 mins! I have to say 2010 has been a pretty crazy year for me, a pretty ruff year but it's had it's small good parts. I have to say (again) that I thought I wouldn't make it through this year and just the fact that I did shows me that I am so ready for 2011, bring it on!
So my new years resolutions are (just the eating disordered related ones!):
-I want to be able to purge again, just incase I binge while I'm fasting so I can take some of the bad food out!
-I want to start fasting again and not eating, which I have been slacking on recently.
-I want to maybe start cutting again, it makes me feel so much better, maybe cut once a month max?
-I want to get more exercise done!
-I want to eat healthier!
So yeah I know they were pretty boring but whatev, please comment telling me your new years reolutions!
Ok, bye xoxo
So im gonna do my new years resolution in this blog. It's now 11:30 and it will be 2011 in officially 30 mins! I have to say 2010 has been a pretty crazy year for me, a pretty ruff year but it's had it's small good parts. I have to say (again) that I thought I wouldn't make it through this year and just the fact that I did shows me that I am so ready for 2011, bring it on!
So my new years resolutions are (just the eating disordered related ones!):
-I want to be able to purge again, just incase I binge while I'm fasting so I can take some of the bad food out!
-I want to start fasting again and not eating, which I have been slacking on recently.
-I want to maybe start cutting again, it makes me feel so much better, maybe cut once a month max?
-I want to get more exercise done!
-I want to eat healthier!
So yeah I know they were pretty boring but whatev, please comment telling me your new years reolutions!
Ok, bye xoxo
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
I Feel Like Cutting! And Binging and Purging!
Hey everyone,
so I'm really sorry I haven't kept my word in blogging everyday school starts next weeks so I'm not sure I will be able to post one a day then either =/
To make it up to y'all I'm gonna post two blogs tonight =]
Ok so since I haven't fasted or been starving myself for quite a while now, I'd say a week or two, which is long for me. I've been having really weird thoughts about binging and purging and cutting. I think about it everyday, I really wanna start it again, which I know is not good. I mean I cut myself 3 weeks ago and it took 2 weeks for the cuts to heal so that you couldn't see them. I have to show my arms in school 3 times a week! Monday's for pe, wednesday's for woodwork and fridays for cookery so it's reallly easy for people to notice, also, in a week I start pe on thursdays which makes things yet again harder, i prefer to cut my wrists wayyy more than anywhere else! Anyways, yeah I'm not looking forward to going back to school on tuesday the 4th!
Pretty much everyday is a constant battle in my head to not go into my en suite bathroom which I feel is constantly taunting me, I want to go into the bathroom and cut my trouble's away, I mean even now I'm super tempted to go to tesco's buy a bunch of binge food and then purge it in the toilet of my ensuite! Believe me when you're trying to stop, having an ensuite makes it all the more difficult because you have easy access staring you right in the face!!!
So I know this is kinda short but I promise to do my second blog post today and it's about NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!
If I take a few hours to post the blog it's probably because I've gone to Tesco's and binged and purged, which I'm sper tempted to do right now...
OK Anyways...
Much Love, Sophie xoxo
so I'm really sorry I haven't kept my word in blogging everyday school starts next weeks so I'm not sure I will be able to post one a day then either =/
To make it up to y'all I'm gonna post two blogs tonight =]
Ok so since I haven't fasted or been starving myself for quite a while now, I'd say a week or two, which is long for me. I've been having really weird thoughts about binging and purging and cutting. I think about it everyday, I really wanna start it again, which I know is not good. I mean I cut myself 3 weeks ago and it took 2 weeks for the cuts to heal so that you couldn't see them. I have to show my arms in school 3 times a week! Monday's for pe, wednesday's for woodwork and fridays for cookery so it's reallly easy for people to notice, also, in a week I start pe on thursdays which makes things yet again harder, i prefer to cut my wrists wayyy more than anywhere else! Anyways, yeah I'm not looking forward to going back to school on tuesday the 4th!
Pretty much everyday is a constant battle in my head to not go into my en suite bathroom which I feel is constantly taunting me, I want to go into the bathroom and cut my trouble's away, I mean even now I'm super tempted to go to tesco's buy a bunch of binge food and then purge it in the toilet of my ensuite! Believe me when you're trying to stop, having an ensuite makes it all the more difficult because you have easy access staring you right in the face!!!
So I know this is kinda short but I promise to do my second blog post today and it's about NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!!
If I take a few hours to post the blog it's probably because I've gone to Tesco's and binged and purged, which I'm sper tempted to do right now...
OK Anyways...
Much Love, Sophie xoxo
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